Teabagging

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There is a tradition, at the Eisenkopp Yeshiva for Fine Young Men, that when you make yourself tea, you fling the used teabag at the ceiling and see if it sticks.

It is called teabagging, and no one knows why it is done. Some speculate that it’s a reminder that all goodness comes from above. Others say it is fucking fun to do and you should try it some time. Regardless, it is tradition, and tradition is sacred.

The ceiling of the coffee room is almost indiscernible amidst the forest of brown, upside down teabags, their strings gently waving in the breeze from the electric fans.

The Rosh Yeshiva is furious about it. The Mashgiac has devoted three shmuzim to the issue this zman alone. But the pattern continues.

Because tradition is tradition.

There is a tradition, at the Eisenkopp Yeshiva for Fine Young Men, that when a Fine Young Boy gets engaged to a Fine Young Girl, that her father should buy you a house.

What kind of house, and where, depends on just how fine a Fine Young Boy you are.

If you are The Illuy of The Yeshiva, known to engage in fierce Talmudic debate over the finer points of Cheftza vs. Gavra with the Rosh Yeshiva Himself, you deserve a penthouse in the middle of Jerusalem.

If you’re a Solid Bchur, boruch hashem, known for diligent and studious traits, some who shteigs over his shtender day and night, you should at least get a nice apartment in the periphery. You can then rent it out and live in the big city.

If you’re the kind of bochur who never shows up to shachris, smokes more cigarettes a day than there are letters in the Torah, and spends most of the day in the coffee room flinging teabags at the ceiling, then alas, you may need to pay for half the apartment yourself.

May Hakodush Boruch Hu, The Holy One Blessed Be He, place you in the first, penthouse category and not in the last, as the verse sayseth “Let us be the head of the fish, and not the tail”.

Amen.

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