Hear me out. (No good idea ever started with that, did it?)
What if the entire Zionist idea was just a first draft for an even more Final Solution?
At the time, Zionism was revolutionary. And it has had its benefits, to a degree.
(Although if World War II had broken out after the founding of the State of Israel, I’m not sure how much of a difference it would have made of the Jews of Europe.)
But it’s also had major issues. It’s founded on colonialism1. It’s elitist and combines politics and identity. It’s been used to justify treating many citizens as second class, and oppressing many others.
An ideal that was initially pragmatic, with Argentina being a suitable alternative, has been subverted by many as a 2,000-year-old dream, a prophesy, a birthright, a shitton of entitlement to a specific patch of land. And so far, that part has been going swimmingly.
The only part of Zionism I can really resonate with is the premise that there will always an excuse to hate the Jews, regardless of circumstance, and therefore we must consolidate as much power as possible so that we can act for our own self-preservation.
The principle stands that no one cares about you as you do about yourself, and as a collective, we can’t count on any true allies because the winds of change can shift at any time.
‘Murica the great
Here’s my suggested solution, and we could begin to implement it today.
Jews should make a point of settling in America, focusing specifically on shithole states that no one wants anyway. I’m looking at you South Dakota and West Virgina. States that have large amounts of land and not many people living in them. We could make them flourish. We’ve already done it in a desert.
We should focus on states that have outsized influence in elections, and reach a critical mass so we have extensive control on the state level. Jews basically run New York while still being a minority, subverting its educational requirements to allow religious children to get almost no education. This would be even easier to do in states with less population, and maybe for less nefarious gains?
Someone in Wyoming has 68 times more influence in the US senate than a person in California2. I’m thinking Main and Vermont and other top tier states. (And if shit really hits the fan, we can always flee to Canada. No way Canada can safely hold the ground if we rush them from multiple locations and then apologize.)
I call this plan Der Judenstaaten – as in, the Jewish states. Plural. We can have multiple, as long as it’s not just ours. See? When you share everyone gets more.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
This is something we could start tomorrow, borrowing from the parts that worked well in the Zionist playbook.
Buying up large swaths of land.
Encouraging immigration to specific areas. Sponsoring visas like our life depends on it.
Existing Jews who already living in other states can make the move.
The Term Aliyah would finally make literal sense: we’d establish Nefesh B’Nefesh B’Nefesh to encourage “Aliyah to the Northern States” with the help of propaganda videos. I’ll write them another set of lyrics for an inspirational song, free of charge.
We won’t have a full army like we do now. But you know what we could have, what America is a perfectly set up for? Guns. Lots and lots of guns. Every Jew could own like 173 assault rifles. Wait, make that 18. For Chai.
They could go to the shooting range religiously, the Rabbis could invent laws about it, I know they have it in them (Blessed art thou, Lord, who commanded me to own this gun and to shoot it at my enemies.)
We could have overly-militarized police forces driving around in surplus army vehicles.
We’d have our own national guard that would answer to our own one-of-us Governor, with a name like David Eisenstein.
America’s constitution is such that it awards outsized power to the individual, and at the very least, the Jews would be able to put up a fight before going down.
Isn’t that the point? Masada, Warsaw ghetto, etc. etc.? No one can guarantee Jewish continuity, not even the state of Israel. We just wanna die trying. Antisemitism? Bring it. Fight us in the mountains of West Virginia. We’ll dig tunnels and use converted mines, Bar Kochba / Hamas style. Let’s look to Waco, Texas, for inspiration.
You know who has set a precedent for this? The Mormons. They have their own promised land, right in the USA. They came there to escape persecution. They are incredibly powerful and wealthy.
You know who else? Scientology. Even the FBI knows not to mess with Scientology, and we could teach them not to mess with us either. I’m just pointing out that you don’t need your own country to be untouchable. Power can be obtained in many ways.
There are several benefits to this approach. I call this part the Triple Daled.
Development. There’d be a lot more room for expansion. America is a vast, vast land. If we outgrow one state, we can organically expand into another. There are far more resources of many varieties that can be tapped into. I dunno, maybe we’ll find out we really like mining? We never really tried that before.
Diversity. These states wouldn’t be exclusively for Jews. Anyone could inherently live anywhere. And this is good from both a human rights perspective and for the benefits that diverse thought and influences can bring. Homogeneity has some real downsides, bro.
Delegation. Jews are really good at some things, like being wealthy, too smart for their own good, and controlling the media. They are not good at others, like fixing their kitchen sink and being humble. Expecting the Jews to do everything themselves looks about as good as the Israeli government currently does, so having some of the federal stuff handed off could be a really good idea.
What should we call this thing? It’s important that we get disproportionately fixated on this and attach too much of our identity to this ideal. It should become more than a means to an end, but rather an end in and of itself.
Here are my suggestions:
Nighilism – Nigh means close, and here it can refer to the fact that “close enough” is fine, you don’t need to be perfect. It also can refer to our constant doomsday expectations of how bad things are about to be (even though you never had it this good) as in “ the end is nigh”.
Neonism – as in, we’re even newer than Zionism. Also, Neo, The Matrix, Zion, really cool gunfights, etc. Still one of the coolest movies ever.
We’ll have our own flag, of course, and it’ll have loads of stars on it. It’s just that they’ll be six pointed stars. I can’t emphasize enough just how many stars it will have, and how just how six pointed they will be. Yes, it can even be blue and white, if you want. See? I’m open to suggestions!
If you will it…
How much of a dream was Zionism, when it was founded? How impossible did it seem? By comparison, my suggestion is a piece of cake.
So when Jews regularly speak about Israel as their final frontier, that “they have nowhere else to go”, remember, that was the exact feeling in 1897 Poland.
As other visionaries have said before me, “if you will it, it is no dream.” Why can’t we apply this same abundance mentality (see, I’ve been doing my Instagram) to creating an even better future?
Don’t be so specific, Bob
I don’t buy into the need for a specific piece of land, or specific form of government.
Perfection is the enemy of the good, and I don’t know if you noticed, but Israel isn’t perfect either, if you look really closely. Like, with a magnifying glass.
So too, settling in the States won’t be perfect. We won’t have complete autonomy. We wouldn’t be able to freely allow anyone to immigrate to the country, at least initially. But we’d have a strong lobby, and who knows, maybe we’d get special immigration exemption for Jews. Like I like to say, if you will it…
We wouldn’t be able to guarantee the safety of every Jew, anywhere in the world. But we can’t do that now either. It’s not like the Jews were all chill while under the rule of soviet Russia. And it’s not like Jews aren’t dying for being Jews in Israel.
If you take one thing from this post, it’s that I am a fucking visionary. You can bury me next to Herzel when you exhume both our bodies, and bury us in Nebraska.
I just solved the entire Jewish problem over breakfast and can continue on with my day.
If you take two things from this post, it’s that just because things have been done a certain way, doesn’t mean it needs to continue that way. Some open-mindedness and creativity goes a long way, especially if you stop seeking perfection and some messianic vision of a Utopian future and instead go for incremental improvement that takes everyone’s needs, abilities, and rights into consideration.
- Under Herzl’s direction there was created a few years later the Jewish Colonial Trust… the “Colonial Trust” and its affiliate, the Anglo Palestine Company had a key role in the actual implementation of the Zionist Project, and eventually became Bank Leumi, one of Israel’s main banks. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Der_Judenstaat) ↩︎
- https://jasonmkelly.com/jason-m-kelly/2020/12/29/the-unequal-representation-of-small-states ↩︎
- https://www.fool.com/investing/2017/01/09/youll-never-guess-how-many-guns-the-average-gun-ow.aspx ↩︎