Holy Shmita


The Bible: And every seven years, leave your land fallow and do not farm it. And I promise I shall give you such blessing on the sixth year that it will suffice you for the the sixth, seventh and eighth years. For I am the lord God, and I always do as I sayeth.

Aish: This is totally a proof of God, because it is so dumb and preposterous that no one would have agreed to such an outlandish claim unless God himself had revealed Himself to the entire nation in a mountain of smoke.

The local charity organization: Please support our fund to help impoverished farmers who have decided not to farm for an entire year to fulfill God’s word and have definitely not benefited from a bumper crop on the sixth year. May God bless you for your kindness.

Aish (having been quiet for over 5 seconds): Look at all the biblical prophecies that have come true!

The national religious court of law: See that Jewish farm? We actually sold it to a non-Jew this year, so those cucumbers are good to go. Farm away.

The charedi court of law: What a preposterous claim. Y’all are a bunch of heathens. You can’t just sell your land to a non Jew and then farm it. What you can do, however, is sell you whisky to a non Jew and drink it after Passover.

This shit writes itself.

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