Velvel He Was

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              Shimon and Shmuesster are proud to present the newest title in the “Rebbi Stories” collection. Each title lovingly written and embellished, we strive to present you with the most accurate and inspirational accounts of the lives of the gedolim past and present, in order that their story be a beacon of light in the vast stormy sea of disillusion.  We provide you with several excerpted vignettes from our newest book in order that your eyes may shine.

Velvel He Was

An autobiographical account of the life and times of Rabbi Velvel Pinskowitz

It was my great humility that brought me to this point, and it is that same humility that will help me on my path to eternal greatness. (From the book)

…My genius was apparent from a young age. Before I was born, I had already learned to read and I had finished all of the mishna before I could talk. By the time I could talk I had finished shas, and when I learned to walk I used to walk over to the great Halfsburger yeshiva, where I would attend shiruim given by the esteemed Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Yeshiya Halevi Yehuda Milchowitz. My brother, who attended the yeshiva as well, used to carry the gemrah for me since I was too young to carry it myself, and would in addition change my diapers during recess. Rabbi Milchowitz took an immediate liking to me, for I would always engage him in lively debate during shiur. He often had no answers to my insightful and incisive questions, and he once remarked that he had “never met a three year old as young as me who had finished shas.”…

…However, I wasn’t just a remarkably gifted genius; I had exemplary middos and remarkably good deeds as well. I would go out of my way to help those in need, always had a kind word and a cheery smile for those of downtrodden spirit, and a word of unsolicited advice for all who asked. Many of my actions went unheard of: I couldn’t be found placing boxes of food at the doorsteps of needy families, nor could I be seen sweeping the floor of the yeshiva late at night. This, because I made a point not being seen doing them. Needless to say everyone found out, and my fame and honor grew exponentially, although I shunned all public mention at all costs. Once, the cleaning lady broke the golem I had made out of Lego (which I had created while listening to a shiur on the family phonograph), but I did not scream at her like a lesser man would have, instead I smiled and told her that I had planned on making a new creation anyway (to put her at ease, I really did build the Lego King Kaluka Jungle-Hangout Island set, which was hailed by many aficionados as one of the most realistic replicas) However, it wasn’t always easy to be great, and at times I struggled with my greatness…

…I took as my wife the daughter of Rabbi Zelmale Dancowitz of Shmiel, one of the leading sages of the generation. He was a great father in law. I became the Rabbi of my hometown, Shlimzale at the incredibly tender age of 14. There were those who questioned my appointment, but soon convicted them with my shining brilliance and flawless character. During this time I also finished my first book Shoo”t Habarva”z, a collection of deep halachik discussions that was hailed as “legendary” by the Revolverer Rebbe, one of the leading sages of the generation. Soon, my fame also began to spread as a miracle worker, and people would travel from as far as Velochnik to receive a blessing for health, financial success, soul mate, or to cure the common cold. My success rate was quite literally unbelievable; I once remarked to myself that I “couldn’t believe how often my blessings came true”…

… It was during these years that the wandering hordes of Genghis Kahan invaded France using their kamikaze attacks that made them famous during the Boer war of 1617. During these terribly trying times, when the entire Jewish world was in turmoil, I was steadfast in my belief and sent letters of support to communities far and wide. I was also adamant that Kahan should not come within a thousand miles of Shlimzale, and assured my flock that he would even cross the Danube. And so it was, that admiral Wellingston defeated him at the famous battle of Bunker Hill of 1765 before he could do any more harm. And thus with H’s help and my good word, disaster was narrowly avoided and we were salvationated…

…My body wracked with pain that I willingly and unquestioningly accepted upon myself, I knew my time had come to leave this fickle world of temporariness and deceit. But I did not fear for I knew that much reward awaited me in the world to come for all my righteous deeds. I therefore called in my students and beseeched them not to be too saddened by my passing, since after all I would be going to a better place. I then lay back heavily upon the bed and, while reciting the shema with such great concentration that my whole body perspired and I became the stuff of legend, I returned my holy soul to its creator…

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