Blessed art thou God, who gave the rooster knowledge to differentiate between day and night
Every morning, the wakeup ritual was the same. Someone would drag a boom box into the dormitory hallway, and crank out the same Miami Boys song as loudly as they could. “I am grateful to...
Psychedelics have played a key part in my growth and healing past traumas.
When I have spoken about them in the past, more people have asked me about my experiences, and I finally sat down to complied a rough overview of my own journey. Along the way, I tried...
I hated Morah Tova for about 12 years. I was proud of how much I hated her. My mother says she was a frustrated artist. I remember telling her she was not invited to my birthday party. She seemed unfazed.
I hated going to kindergarten. I would cry, I am...
I used to walk by the cheder at any time of day or night and just hear singing from within. It was magical. At night, the lights would glow from the building. I would tell my mother “Some day I’m going to go there, right?” and she’d say “yes,...
We didn’t have summer vacation at school. We studied every single day of the year. So the transition from one grade to the next was a simple act of gathering up your books one morning and moving over to the next classroom.
The transition to 6th grade, I was in...
When I became bar mitzvah, things got intense. I knew that everything until then had been child’s play, just practice for the real thing. Now we were playing for real, and every move I make and every law I break, He’ll be watching me.
I remember breaking down and crying...
9th grade came around, which was a whole new level. Yeshiva Ketana is 3 years of “Junior High school”, which meant a different part of the neighborhood, finishing at 9:30 every evening, and studying Gemarah for the first time.
If I thought Mishna was difficult, Gemarah was a whole new...
12th grade is the first year of Yeshiva gedola. Literally the big leagues, this is the first year of the rest of your life. You enter a study hall that could literally be the place you sit for the next 50 years. My classmates are still there 12 years...
The summer that was the second half of 12th grade, I finally switched yeshivas. My friend had moved to this place a year before, and my parents “had heard good things”. This was a place that studid “iyun” in depth, but had a respect for breadth.They didn’t want to...
The way you get into yeshiva is the exact opposite of red tape. It is the absolute shitshow of a free for all.
You kind of stand around the dean’s office and hope to bump into him. You talk to someone who knows someone who might be able to put...
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Even More Freidom
Shlemple Joins the Army
Join Shlemple on a whimsical journey of soul crushing death and destruction. Sure to be a direct...
Our Father in Heaven
Our father in heaven they sayThe father of mercyBut as an almighty beingHe hath chosen to live...
Freidom Fighter Profiles a Famous Kiruv Rabbi
In the hyperbolic style of Mishpacha Magazine. Inspired by bullshit like this.
Mild mannered and unassuming, most people...
I Hate Being Jewish
Cards against Humanity is one of my favorite games. It's funny, it's simple, and it's not very...
Returning to Footsteps
My partner and I recently attended a retreat organized by Footsteps, the organization that supports (mostly) Orthodox...