Gedlya Goldfinger holstered his PsalmRay. Whereas the rest of the Goyishe Velt used neutron chips and nanotechnology to power their zappers, the psalm ray, engineered by The Conglomeration of Rabbis Against Advanced Technology, had been constructed mechanically. It was very steampunk,...
"Judaism is not all or nothing," they preached at Aish Essentials. "Do what you can, God appreciates it all, every bit counts. Except, word on the street was that when you entered Intermediate I, Motty Berger had a class where he explained that it...
The Bible: And every seven years, leave your land fallow and do not farm it. And I promise I shall give you such blessing on the sixth year that it will suffice you for the the sixth, seventh and eighth years. For I am the lord God,...
I originally wrote this post while I was still religious, and published it under a pseudonym on Jewrotica. At this point, gentlemen, I have nothing to hide. Berel Shtiklwitz was an entrepreneur. A social entrepreneur, to be exact. He recognized...
From the creators of the Dvar Torah generator, comes the brand new Ancient Jewish Holiday Generator! For years, Jews have been inventing holidays in God's name and backdating them into the very fabric of history. With mystical significance and a shitload of intricate rules,...
On Purim, they almost killed us, but in the end they didn’t, we killed 75,000 of them instead.  And these weren’t normal enemies, mind you. These were descendants of Amalek, whom we are commanded to kill every last man woman and child of. You...
Fear. It was the name of the entire minority. There are Blacks, there are Hispanics, there are “The fearful ones”. Like the shittiest gang name ever. They looked around at a country full of...
Blessed art thou God, who gave the rooster knowledge to differentiate between day and night Every morning, the wakeup ritual was the same. Someone would drag a boom box into the dormitory hallway, and crank out the same Miami Boys song as loudly as...
In 1946, following the holocaust, a highly unusual event occurred, one that involved, for the first time in history, the unification of different sects of Judaism. Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform rabbis met together at Steglitz-Zehlendorf in West Berlin; the conference later became known as the Steglitz-Zehlendorf Conference.
“You know what Olam Habah is?” Explains the Slonimer Rebbe. “Olam Habah is the entire earth covered in dump trucks full of gold. And then stack them on top of each other until you reach the sky.” That’s a fuckton of gold.

Current Weather in Hell

clear sky
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Even More Freidom

Chapter #13: Shitting on the Parade

I remember trying to take my baby son to Shul so I could pray in...

Wielding Religion, or: a God-Shaped Dildo

For a long time, I was angry at religion for its own sake.

Holy Shmita

The Bible: And every seven years, leave your land fallow and do not farm it....

A Response to “My Unorthodox Life”

The following is a guest post by Yair Gordon. I found his response articulate, poignant,...