Rabbi Chananya said: who is a dumbass? he who walks four cubits without his head covered.
And Rabbi Akashya said: no, he is a bitchass cracker.
Rabbi Yishmael said: why are the people the Galilee called Freedom Farters? Because they have poopy buttholes.
And Rabbi Shmarya said: in our town we called them poopy faces.
Rabbi Chanina said: it was told to me by my grandfather, who heard it from his grandfather, that we called them poopyface buttholes.
Rabbi Srachya son of Ptachya said: he who is walking down the field and looks up from his book to notice a tree is motherfucking fool.
And Rabbi Abba son of Pappa said: both he is a fool, and his son is a fool, and his son’s son is the biggest fool.
Shammai said: three things God hates – he who changes lanes without signaling, he who jumps ahead at the DMV, and he who drives recklessly like a fucking retard.
Hillel said: on three things the world stands – big hunks of steak, potato kugel, and apple strudel.
And some say: matzo ball soup most of all.
Rabbi Avtalyon son of Chanoch was once lying under his teacher’s bed while he had sex, and remarked: my, what big ass cheeks my Rabbi’s wife has.
Said his Rabbi (Some say it was Rabbi Elazar the Shamoan, some say it was Rabbi Elazar the Gilboan): he who sneaks a peek has no share in the world to cum.
Rabbi Gamzu of Eltzafan said: who is beloved upon God? he who accepts others without judgement, is kind to all people, and greets everyone with a goddamn smile.