Satire

A Neurotic Journey Through the Jewish Calendar

Join me on an exciting adventure through the Jewish year, as we explore...

Earning Heaven

“Judaism is about relationships,” sayeth the narrative. “It’s about aligning yourself with truth....

The 5 Spiritual Love Languages

Judaism teaches that our interpersonal relationships are just a key to relating to...

If We Were a Cult, Would We Be Making This Joke?

Rule #1 of cults, according to the international society of cults, is don't...

Love Me, Daddy

“You know what Olam Habah is?” Explains the Slonimer Rebbe. “Olam Habah is...

Torah Tidbit #1: The Fucking Snake

My favorite talmudic anecdote from a gemarah in Shabbat somewhere around daf 134ish....

Book Covers

One of my biggest struggles, even when I was still religious, was with the realization that as a person I had grown way more from therapy and self-help books than from any amount of “Torah wisdom”. This was unacceptable to me. I didn’t want...
In Judaism, we're taught, everything has the right context. Some days, you shouldn't eat anything.Other days, you should stuff yourself like a pig. Some days you shouldn't have sex at all.Other days, sex is a big mitzvah. Some...

Sex

Sample from chapter #1: Sex in Judaism is a beautiful thing. It’s also terrible. When you do it at the right time, it’s amazing. God himself sits there watching you and jerks off while you’re going at it. When you climax, he does too.

Biography

Quotes and Memes

Philosphy

Wielding Religion, or: a God-Shaped Dildo

For a long time, I was angry at religion for its own sake.

You Still Suck

Recent Netflix productions like Unorthodox and My Unorthodox Life have been painting Orthodox Judaism in...

The Atheist & The Foxhole

“There are no atheists in a foxhole,” Noah Weinberg used to love to say,...

Fiction

Olives

So it had come to this. He was dead, and it was judgement time. His first grade Rebbe had...

Kiruv

It took me a long time to realize this, but the kiruv system pulls some really sophisticated mindfucks while trying to convince people about the “truth” of religion. They will basically play both sides of an idea – contradicting themselves but making some convincing arguments in the process. Until you realize that they just...
              Shimon and Shmuesster are proud to present the newest title in the "Rebbi Stories" collection. Each title lovingly written and embellished, we strive to present you with the most accurate and inspirational accounts of the lives of the gedolim past and present, in order that their story be a beacon of light in the vast stormy...