Memoir

I was 11 or 12 years old when my school took us to the neighborhood holocaust museum (what, yours doesn’t have one?) The rabbis warned us that the museum curators might not have the same sensibilities that we enlightened religious people did, and therefore we might encounter some pictures of...

My partner and I recently attended a retreat organized by Footsteps, the organization that supports (mostly) Orthodox Jews leaving religion, especially in the New York area. The retreat was wonderful, and I am grateful to the organization for creating such an enjoyable experience, with a lot of generosity, abundance,...

A recent memory came back to me. At the age of around 14, I remember bursting into tears in front of both my parents. I didn't understand, I told them, what the point of all the Torah study I was doing that I engaged in for about 12 hours...

My brother joins the Israeli military tomorrow. My main emotion is sadness, which is saying a lot because I don't usually let myself feel much sadness. Yosef is joining a special-forces unit, which means he'll be doing harder, more brutal training, get exposed to more dangerous situations, and do...

When I think of Israel. I think a small group of innovative technologists. A country full of many smart people, disproportionately packed into a space that’s too small for them. Amazing Middle Eastern food. Have you ever noticed that less developed countries have better food? Food for thought. A healthcare system that works...

I sense a continuous state of judgment and disapproval from you towards me and my siblings, for not "doing what's right", not "thinking critically", and not "using our own judgment". We are "following the masses" and "doing what's easy and convenient". I find this accusation absurd in light of what...

One of the most important days to me, far more than my birthday, is the day I left religion. This is the day, to borrow from fundamentalist religion, that I was born again. For many people it's a gradual process, but for me there was a day in mid-august...

I have been practicing caring for my inner child for many months now, focusing on providing it with the basic emotional needs I knew it needed but had never gotten. A sense of being held, of being ok, of feeling contained in compassion, of validation and safety. As I...

“I’m poly,” I wrote her. “So it’s complicated.” “How come I’m only finding out now?” She wanted to know. “Most poly people put it in their profile. I am not poly.” “I’m sorry,” I said. “I forgot to add it.” “Well, take care then.” --- We had hit off unusually well. Most of my...

Shame is a bitch. A motherfucking cuntbusting bitch. Of all negative emotions, it’s the one that hits me the hardest, because it challenges my very existence. To stare in the face of your shame is to stare into the gut clenching void that says “you suck too much to be here at...