Ancient Jewish Holiday Generator


From the creators of the Dvar Torah generator, comes the brand new Ancient Jewish Holiday Generator!

For years, Jews have been inventing holidays in God’s name and backdating them into the very fabric of history. With mystical significance and a shitload of intricate rules, Jewish holidays stand unto themselves as holier, longer, and better than any other type of holiday, especially those bullshit Christian ones

Join the unbreakable chain of the Jewish tradition and create your own holiday today using our handy dandy holiday generator. You’ll receive a full report which you can then impose upon your friends, family and random strangers at will.

About The Holiday of

The date of , marks the extremely important holiday of , which lasts for days and nights.

This holiday dates all the way back to the time of , and celebrates . As a result, this day is even more important than , and it’s of utmost importance on this day to refrain from .

To commemorate this festive day we eat a digusting amout of food, while partaking of a special dish called and greeting each other the traditional blessing of !”

To mark this day, Jewish men , while the women .

On a deeper level, this holiday represents and therefore requires that we maintain a constant emotional state of .

Historians believe that this holiday sereved as the inspiration for , which makes sense considering all the similarties listed above.

Wishing you a !

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