Avreml Zingelwald kicks off his shoes and jumps into the freshly dug grave. He’s done this a thousand times before. It’s his job. Yankel Vozserzach hands him the body. They’ve done this so often, multiple times a day, that their movements are fast, mechanical, sterile. This lumpy body in its shrouds...
Avrumi Zeivald was prepared to meet his maker. Or at least a maker. Someone’s, even if not his. The Torah, the Rabbis had assured him, came with a lifetime guarantee. It was guaranteed to be true, or he’d be eligible for a full refund. The problem was, that as Avrumi’s...
There is a tradition, at the Eisenkopp Yeshiva for Fine Young Men, that when you make yourself tea, you fling the used teabag at the ceiling and see if it sticks. It is called teabagging, and no one knows why it is done. Some speculate that it’s a reminder that...
So it had come to this. He was dead, and it was judgement time. His first grade Rebbe had warned him about this moment. Rosh Hashanah davening had reminded him of it. And now, 83 years later, it was really happening. “When you arrive in heaven, you’ll stand before God on...

Current Weather in Hell

Hell
clear sky
33.7 ° F
33.7 °
29.8 °
47 %
1mph
0 %
Fri
34 °
Sat
32 °
Sun
28 °
Mon
24 °
Tue
8 °

Even More Freidom

What is Aish Hatorah? Is Aish a cult?

is aish a cult - the aish hatorah building in front of the western wall in jerusalem, founded by rabbi Noah Weinberg
Aish Hatorah, or Aish, as it eventually changed its name to be in order to be more...

Only the Good Stuff

The book cover that started it all. Looking back almost three years to the original comment, I...

Earning Heaven

“Judaism is about relationships,” sayeth the narrative. “It’s about aligning yourself with truth. It’s about becoming more...

Shlemple Joins the Army

Join Shlemple on a whimsical journey of soul crushing death and destruction. Sure to be a direct...

You Still Suck

Recent Netflix productions like Unorthodox and My Unorthodox Life have been painting Orthodox Judaism in a shitty...