After my last post went Shalom Tzvi level viral (as defined by the odds in which someone shared it with my grandparents), lots of people emerged from the woodwork. And they had a lot to say, being people and all.

They wanted me to know that they were happy for me, that they’d known I’d come around, that they were glad to see I was finally over it, had healed myself, and recognized that Aish wasn’t so bad after all.

Also, do I still live in Toronto and let’s catch up sometime.

I did not take this well. It is clear to me that people will use my current post to whitewash some of the older stuff I’ve said. This, even though the gist of everything I’ve said until now still stands and my detailed criticism of the Kiruv movement, Orthodox Judaism, and religion in general, still stands.

In sharing my own personal healing, a transformation from emotional pain to just intellectual criticism, a lot of the punch will get lost. With less ‘fuck you’’s, my points will be just intellectual musings and debates, and we all have plenty of those on the internet.

I also didn’t appreciate only hearing from people when I was supposedly doing well. (As an aside, you can’t always tell how well I’m doing by what I write about. Stay tuned for an upcoming post on suicide.)

I can understand some of the places this can come from – people may have thought I was angry at them in particular, even though this was largely untrue. And people often don’t feel comfortable around the messiness of raw emotions – anger and grief. We don’t quite know what to say when paying condolences, and the more tragic the situation the less the clichés in our back pocket can serve us.

So here are some things I’d like to say:

The fact that I have healed in no way absolves you of your responsibilities towards the thousands you have hurt. The ruined marriages, the stifled psyches, the falsehoods and the whitewashing, these are all real and you played a part in it. It’s as basic as Richard Dawkin’s point that there is no such thing as a religious child – there are only your opinions indoctrinated into an unsuspecting human.

This is happening around us all the time, and while Aish has millions of dollars to prop up its image, I am one dude with a keyboard making a point. Even if Aish is a mixture of good and bad, as my last article concurs, there is still a lot more garbage that goes unmentioned in the day to day narrative.

I am also grateful to the few individuals who stood by me throughout it all. A few key people (one of them is a Rabbi) did not give a shit about the fact that I was covered in emotional shit and stuck around, doggedly, persistently, regardless of what I said or did. These are the people who stand out in my mind, if not as better friends, at least as more emotionally capable ones. Their support of me then meant much more than the hand clapping I’m receiving now.

A part of me did not want to write this. “Why shit on the parade?” it asks. “You’re finally on people’s good side again, don’t you want people to like you? Don’t you want people to see you as someone who adds positivity to the world, who will support your future projects to do good (Tikun Olam, bitches)?”

To which I reply, I most definitely do want everyone to like me. But I didn’t get this far by always saying the right thing that I or everyone else wanted to hear.

No matter what I say or do, some people still seem to think that I’m the shit. When I’m dating, 90% of women don’t notice I exist and 10% are crazy about me. I would like to keep throwing mud at walls, western and otherwise, and let stick what may.

Recent Netflix productions like Unorthodox and My Unorthodox Life have been painting Orthodox Judaism in a shitty light, and prompting a wave of defensive responses on social media, a la enlightened Orthodox Jews like Rabbi Doniel Katz and such.

The gist of their message is this: “How dare you accuse us of being primitive, backwards people? We, in fact, have degrees, have careers, and are happy. So very, very happy. Do not accuse us of being oppressed women, because, in fact, we have 17 kids, AND a career. We wear fashionable clothes, believe in science, and basically, are just like everyone else, except better, because we have the secrets of a Meaningful Life™.”

Before I explain why this premise is bullshit, two caveats. First of all, I think Netflix’s content is unrealistic fluff and I refuse to watch most of it. Julia Haart and her over-dramatization of everyday life for the sake of reality TV, is nauseating. And despite my eye-catching title, this post is not intended as an attack on any individual person, but rather on Orthodox Judaism as a whole.

Because, yes, Orthodox Judaism is bullshit, and I don’t care how many degrees or careers or smiles you have.

My main points:

Asking oppressed people if they don’t mind being oppressed is not a thing. I don’t care if it’s a woman speaking about her own experiences. If she was raised from age zero to believe that showing her elbows is wrong, and that she must cover her hair when she is married, then she can’t even conceive of any alternate reality. I believe in certain objective freedoms that all people deserve EVEN IF THEY DON’T ASK FOR THEM, and being allowed to show your elbows freely and get divorced when you want to, is on that list.

Other religions do this to, and you are very quick to mock them when they do. The “Empowered Muslim Woman” is definitely a thing, and it’s much easier to spot the absurdity of it when it’s not your own culture.

There are still a lot of things you can’t or won’t do, you’re just glossing over them. Ok, ok, you have a degree AND you made dinner. There are still a lot of limitations on being an Orthodox Jew, even when you live in the more liberal America (Israel is coming up next). There’s multiple halachic limitations, from Shabbat to Sex to Sins galore.

There are entrenched primitive beliefs that people are choosing not to focus on when they tout their surprisingly materialistic accomplishments. It is still very common in Orthodox Jewish media outlets to not show any pictures of women whatsoever. This is just a small example of an absurdity Orthodox Women take for granted, although there are much bigger issues that should be addressed as well.

There’s generally less quality education for men, even if women have the better end of this stick because they don’t need to spend as much time studying Torah. And even the degrees as a whole are shittier, if we call a spade a spade. Not that I’m a huge believer in pedigree, but many of the degrees Orthodox men and women obtain are shitty Excelsior College degrees that are basically a joke. I know this because I have this exact degree. So you manage to deceive the average person with your diploma mill degree. Very nice.

Orthodox Judaism is a single collective. This is my most important point, if I had to pick just one. At the end of the day, Orthodox Judaism of America considers itself part and parcel of Orthodox Judaism in Israel. From extensive financial support, to sending your kids to Israeli institutions after high school, to looking up to Israeli Rabbis with the highest regard, Orthodox Jews of America have their cake and eat it too – they soak in the liberal materialism of America, while basking in the spiritual glow emanating from the holy land.

And as long as you have not distinctly distanced yourself from your fanatical cousins across the pond, or in New Square and Williamsburg for that matter, you are complacent in their actions.

You are condoning men getting married at 19 after three dates to the first woman they meet. Men getting zero religious education and women getting an education that is not formally recognized by the Israeli government (and thus effectively useless). Condemning all technology as the work of the devil, even as the rest of civilization marches firmly into that new era. Covering up sexual abuse and protecting abusers.

You are complacent in all the bullshit that the extremists around you practice in the name of your religion, unless you specifically condemn and distance yourself from it, and I haven’t seen any Facebook posts about that any time recently.

All the people raising the roof about low quality Netflix productions which cast them in a bad light would be better served to ignore Netflix and their own reputation and focus their attention and indignant posts on the actual problems that lead to these allegations in the first place.

­­