Shmoozing With a Sheigetz: Rabbi Shalom Shore

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An interview with Rabbi Shalom Tzvi Shore, spiritual leader of the anti-Kiruv movement. This article is part of a series written by the weekly publication Yated magazine, written in their signature broken English and bad grammar that is a mainstay of Orthodox Jewish culture.

Speaking with Rabbi Shalom Tzvi Shore, you wouldn’t know he was so full of passion.

At least, until he opens his mouth.

Shore, standing near a mixed beach with a goyish haircut and colorful, non-button down shirt.

“Fuck religion,” says Rabbi Shore, biting into a double sized bacon cheeseburger at the local McDonalds where he insisted we meet. (Our reporter refused to enter the premises, so the conversation was held entirely the window of the drive-through, with the reporter sitting in his car).

“I mean, seriously, fuck it.”

Slightly built and short of stature, Shore is the unassuming leader of the anti-Kiruv movement, which is rapidly gaining traction amongst the social outcasts of Orthodox Judaism.

“Growing up, I was always picked on by my classmates,” laughs Shore, a tear flowing down his cheek. “But the joke’s on them now, because I have like, a job and $100 in my bank account. That’s more than any of them can say.”

Shore spent years honing his anti-religious knowledge at the Zilberman’s Yeshiva for Torah Studies and Fighting Arabs, culminating in a prestigious smicha from Hagaon Rav Yitzchak Berkowitz, famous for co-authoring that book on Lashon Horah that you’ve been meaning to start learning.

His favorite year though, was ironically the one he spent at Aish, the legendary Kiruv institution which has made almost as much impact as Rabbi Shore’s anti-Kiruv movement. “I hated that year the least,” reflects Rabbi Shore nostalgically. “I got to play music and speak English.”

A young Rabbi Shore seen deep in study with other Rabbi Shores.

Shore learned a massive amount of Torah during his years in yeshiva, which more than qualifies him to be a leader among men. “What we’re doing here is a movement. It’s a way of life. Every moment of my day I’m just living and breathing ‘how do I get people to leave yiddishkeit’,” regales Shore, breathily. “While I’m brushing my teeth (something secular Jews do to look more like Goyim ~editor) I’m thinking “what if we put up massive posters of non-tznius women on billboards? maybe that will cause more people to go off?’”

Shore breaks off into a dvar Torah, which every interview needs to have (our reporter refused to published a story without a dvar Torah). “The verse says ‘ein od milvado efes zulaso’, there is no one but Him, zero aside from him.  Why ‘zero’? why not ‘none’ or ‘naught’ or ‘gurnisht’? It’s clear from this that Moshe Rabeinu knew math. I don’t see why other school kids can’t also learn some math.”

After a divorce that resulted from not studying and applying the marriage advice of Rabbi Shalom Arush, Rabbi Shore decided to severely leave religion instead of accepting that this latest round of suffering was just another Nisayon from Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

“If there’s a God in heaven, I hope a slips on a banana and impales himself on his own dick,” proclaims Rabbi Shore, actively fucking a prostitute while sipping on a bacon flavored milkshake. (Our reporter refused to be present, choosing to have this part of the conversation outside the room, talking through a curtained window)

Shore is consumed by his vision. “I want people to completely lose their identity to this. I want them to have no sense of self, to neglect their families and cut off their friends and drop out of Yeshiva and just completely devote themselves to this mission!” he exclaims, wiping the froth from the corner of his mouth. “You have feelings? You have your own desires, goals and ambitions? I don’t care. And you know who else didn’t care? Hitler.”

When not personally debating the non-existence of God with an impressionable teenager or college student, Shore is working tireless to spread his message around the globe. One of his talmidim, Nechameyer Shmooperklop, is the founder and editor of the website Freidom Fighter, which has become has become known as ‘The Anti-Aish.com’, attracting over 300 visitors a month. And he’s working to establish a network of anti-Kiruv branches around the globe.

“I’ve got, like, five people who regularly message me and are sharing these ideas with others,” explains Shore, injecting some heroin under a bridge as several other ex-Religious Jews look on. “The idea is to create a global movement. If the Kiruv movement is waging a war against assimilation and secular values, well, it’s about time the anti-Kiruv movement went nuclear.”

A concept we’ve been toying with.

All that remains is to find a name. “We’re still figuring out a good name for this thing. We thought of maybe Vaser, you know, because it puts out fire.” He giggles.

“We’ve considered Oish. We’ve considered Fuck Aish. We’ve considered ‘O to the D’. I dunno. You’re a writer. Do you have any ideas?”

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