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If one man can kill six million Jews, then one man can save six million Jews. That mantra, in a nutshell, summarizes the core mission of Aish Hatorah, quoted ad nauseum in conversation and propaganda posters. It also conveniently compares Noach Weinberg to Hitler, so that I don’t have to...

Sex

Sample from chapter #1: Sex in Judaism is a beautiful thing. It’s also terrible. When you do it at the right time, it’s amazing. God himself sits there watching you and jerks off while you’re going at it. When you climax, he does too. Did you know? The relationship between God...
Interesting anecdote about this book cover. It's a composite of two different Rabbi faces, i.e. it's not any specific Rabbi, so that I wouldn't poke fun unnecessarily at someone. That's how much of a tzadik I am. From the back cover: Rabbi Shlomo Levi Birenshmaltz (ZATZHA"L: of blessed, blessed memory), like...
I have long had a tenuous relationship with Israel. Israelis as a collective bug the shit out of me. Rude, bureaucratic, with very little sense of tact, sophistication, or anything that I perceived as culture. I never really was Israeli – despite being born there, Hebrew is my second...
Psychedelics have played a key part in my growth and healing past traumas. When I have spoken about them in the past, more people have asked me about my experiences, and I finally sat down to complied a rough overview of my own journey. Along the way, I tried...
I used to walk by the cheder at any time of day or night and just hear singing from within. It was magical. At night, the lights would glow from the building. I would tell my mother “Some day I’m going to go there, right?” and she’d say “yes,...
“The will of God is so,” explains the The Kiruv Rabbi in the most non-condescending voice he can muster. The Pimply Kid before him, plucked from the bottom of the university barrel, nodded stupidly. “And so,” continued the Rabbi, “It figures by default that the Jews are the most important people...
“There are no atheists in a foxhole,” Noah Weinberg used to love to say, swiftly eradicating all actual atheists who undoubtedly have existed in foxholes. That statement further disregards all the individuals who became atheists in foxholes, like the blaspheming Rabbi in Elie Wiesel’s Night. From the moment I...
I opened my eyes for the first time, and saw from one end of the universe to the other. It was grossly overrated. For this? For this you dragged me into existence? Freshly born, in that first instant I had an understanding of all things. And I understood it was not worth...

Current Weather in Hell

Hell
broken clouds
48.1 ° F
48.1 °
48.1 °
87 %
1.9mph
75 %
Tue
47 °
Wed
50 °
Thu
43 °
Fri
40 °
Sat
40 °

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The Paperclip, The Thumbtack, & The Toilet Plunger

Shloime the Website Builder of Chelm presents...

The Penis Gemach

I originally wrote this post while I was still religious, and published it under a pseudonym on...

Lights Out

In 1946, following the holocaust, a highly unusual event occurred, one that involved, for the first time...

Anal

So, yeah, in case you didn't know. This is totally a real law. If you didn't wipe...

Suffering: Understanding the Ununderstandable

Spot the meme. Also, double negatives are so not not cool.