Philosophy

I must go now, children. But there is cereal in the pantry and I made a list on the fridge of 613 things I’d like you to keep in mind while I’m gone. I’ll be back in 2,000 years. Feel free to interpret my points as you see fit....

You’re the daughter of a King! A king! How awesome is that? Not as awesome as being a son, apparently. I’ve heard, ad nausem, all the apologetic explanations about how women are not less, they’re just DIFFERENT. How the true home is built around the Jewish woman (Look! Jewishness passes...

Growing up, the narrative that Ultra Orthodox Jews (aka "Charedim") had as to why they weren't serving in the military was that they were actually performing their own crucial service - they were protecting the country spiritually. The harder they studied and prayed, the more protected the soldiers on the...

I have long had a tenuous relationship with Israel. Israelis as a collective bug the shit out of me. Rude, bureaucratic, with very little sense of tact, sophistication, or anything that I perceived as culture. I never really was Israeli – despite being born there, Hebrew is my second...

I was back in Aish Hatorah. I guess like positivity childhood memories that resurfaced after I'd dealt with parental trauma, my subconscious felt I was ready to find some good beneath the wreckage. The building was even bigger and more magnificent - and more rambly. I wandered through towering mazes...

Good news: if you have money, even being A Good Jew in The Eyes of God™ is easier. Instead of slaving away getting your house clean for Passover, just sell your house to a non-Jew (awesome loophole, Rabbis!) and go to the nearest tropical resort you can find. There, you...

We're currently in family therapy, all nine of us and two parents. Even with sessions being 90 minutes long, that gives each of us 8 minutes a week to talk about what is most important to us, assuming the therapist doesn't talk at all. (spoiler: she does) The best possible...

The bible, so full of contradictory statements, is a perfect setting for Rorschach tests. It’s all just spilled ink on the page. You see what you want to see. You want airy fairy hippy shit? You got it. “Sons you are, to the lord your God.” You want dogmatic, oppressive, hardline world views? You’ll...

So, yeah, in case you didn't know. This is totally a real law. If you didn't wipe your butt properly, any prayer or study you've done during that time is a sin instead of a virtue. The same law (guf naki) that argues that some women shouldn't be allowed...