Philosophy

The bible, so full of contradictory statements, is a perfect setting for Rorschach tests. It’s all just spilled ink on the page. You see what you want to see. You want airy fairy hippy shit? You got it. “Sons you are, to the lord your God.” You want dogmatic, oppressive, hardline world views? You’ll...

"Never was there as happy a time," the Mishna says, "than Tu B’av. Because on that day all the young ladies would go out to the vineyards to sing and dance, and the dudes would hide in the trees and pick out the one they wanted to marry." Have you...

You’re the daughter of a King! A king! How awesome is that? Not as awesome as being a son, apparently. I’ve heard, ad nausem, all the apologetic explanations about how women are not less, they’re just DIFFERENT. How the true home is built around the Jewish woman (Look! Jewishness passes...

I was 11 or 12 years old when my school took us to the neighborhood holocaust museum (what, yours doesn’t have one?) The rabbis warned us that the museum curators might not have the same sensibilities that we enlightened religious people did, and therefore we might encounter some pictures of...

I have long had a tenuous relationship with Israel. Israelis as a collective bug the shit out of me. Rude, bureaucratic, with very little sense of tact, sophistication, or anything that I perceived as culture. I never really was Israeli – despite being born there, Hebrew is my second...

Why must drag our next generation through the dregs of the holocaust? So that it doesn't happen again? Baloney. It's happening right now. It could happen again in a heartbeat. And if it happened to anyone else but your own ethnic kin, you'd be a lot less bothered. So let's...

I wrote God a letter. Dear God. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I’ve felt things towards you that I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel giddy. I can’t eat or sleep. I’m constantly thinking about you. To be honest, I’m in awe...

Unofficially, using mainly common sense as our guide, we can think of two definitions of terrorism. The term gets thrown around rather freely, and is used by governments to police and invalidate a wide range of individual and social behaviors. Definition #1: Deliberate Attacks on Civilians Part of the terrorist...

Some questions I had about Judaism, I got answers that worked, to a point. There were explanations that fit within a larger framework. And as long as that framework was intact, the answers worked. "Why does the Torah tell us to do this or that?""Because God said so." Fair enough. I can struggle...

Join Shlemple on a whimsical journey of soul crushing death and destruction. Sure to be a direct hit for the whole family.